(via.)
After reading your comments on my previous post I had the feeling that some of you had misinterpreted me. And I plead guilty for the lack of clarity. Haziness is probably my middle name (between bookworm and day-dreamer). So let me explain myself for a bit.
I was not playing advocate for (destructive and endless) fights in a relationship but I am pro attraction and passion between two persons. Preferable in massive quantities. The attraction and passion between movie characters, like Noah and Allie of The Notebook make me drool. And I still believe it is possible in real life too.
Unfortunately I noticed in the last couple of months that a lot of people out there settle for less.
Something like: "You're my friend, I'm lonely and on paper we could work. So let's do this."
It sounds so wrong to me.
Yet it seems some others have given up on passionate love. Boo to that.
Of course, I know that there are more important things than being constantly head over heals in love with each other. But there is a thin line between being lovers and being lonely friends together/ acting like brother and sister.
Then again, where there is passion. There are fights.
Having the same values: fine (Secret number 1♥). But we can not agree on everything.
But the ratio between positive and negative interactions is high:
Apparently is 5:1 ideal.
(For the not so alert reader: we are beyond the point where I start trying to give this post a somehow useful twist.)
If you are already in a relationship, you obviously cannot influence your own or your partner's personality to make you more compatible. (Please do not even try.) But you do have the power to influence the other four factors.
You can consciously make an effort to...
2♥ fight from time to time but avoid the four toxic behaviors:
Criticism
Contempt
Stonewalling
Defensiveness
A total lack of fighting tends to be a sign of indifference or that one or both partners are censoring their opinions/ feelings. (And here I am again, no passion).
3♥ maximise positive interactions
4♥ Not shy away from commitment
Happy couple make plans for the future, have lots of rituals, view their partner in the same category as their closest family members etc.
5♥ Emphasize the good characteristics of your partner
People in a happy relationship tend to view their partner's actions from an optimistic perspective:
- Negative actions are attributed to situational factors: "He's late, the traffic must have been horrible."
- Positive actions are attributed to the partner's character: "She cooked my favorite dinner, she is such an amazing girlfriend."
Tadaa! That makes 5 "happy couple" secrets. And another incoherent rant about passion and attraction in a relationship. Good luck.
