WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SISTERHOOD?

via.

To this day, reality television and soaps continue to mine the image of women as catty, two-faced, jealous gossips. This reinforces an old stereotype of women as very petty and small-minded, while men are off thinking "more important thoughts" and having it all together all the time. Like they are the smarter and better version of human kind. The funny thing about this oppression is that we, women, still tolerate it. Moreover, we aggravate it by being mean to each other. 

I think that we have become so used to it that we even have stopped realizing it. But the fact is that whenever I get negative comments, it's always from girls. I am convinced that I'm not the only one here.

Where has the bloody solidarity gone? When did we become so warped?

I don't understand why we can't put that energy into uniting and supporting each other instead. In my opinion, men will keep having the power to be sexist for as long women don't stick together and keep hating on each other. If we don't believe we're as great as men, how will we ever get them to believe it too? 

I want to rant about/ give some attention to two issues here in short: our obsession with our weight and slut shaming.

Whether we want to admit it or not, we're all concerned about our appearance. We actually have no choice. Because look at what we're subjected to if we let ourselves slip and be human beings for a minute (read: eat). We get burned by our own gender as though we've committed some sort of crime. When did carrying a bit of extra weight become something to literally be ashamed of? When did food go from being pleasure to punishment? Before gluttony was one of the seven deadly sins, now it seems like even eating at all has become one. Paradoxically, the other side of the story is also not the place where you want to go, because then you're a "self-obsessed attention seeker with no life outside the gym". 

We have got to stop being so hard on ourselves and each other and unite as one to accept all sizes. If you're not built like a Victoria's Secret, then forgive yourself because it's literally a model's full time occupation. On the other side, for as long as you're healthy, it's okay to be thin too. 

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what size you are. So let's stop obsessing about how you or other women look/ eat/ work out/ live/...

The other thing: Sex positivity doesn't make women whores and not wanting to be sexual doesn't make women prudes. We all like to wear different clothes, watch different TV shows and polish our nails in another color, so why on earth would one approach to sex work for all of us? Furthermore it's not our job to lecture women on what is and what isn't socially acceptable. It's a choice to make by everyone individually. No need to psych it out for someone else.

Since men are allowed to make their own choices about their bodies and the way they approach sex, women should be allowed to do the same thing. If Miley Cyrus wants to twerk up and down the stage in a nude bodysuit, that's her call. If you like to hang out with your cat in bed while wearing pajamas, that's cool too. That's her choice, that's your choice. Despite this common knowledge, we're still blaming and shaming. 

But honestly, who cares? No offense, but I actually don't care about who you've slept with or not slept with, if you one night stand it up or haven't slept with anybody at all, if you like to show your curves or keep them for yourself. At long last, it's ridiculous to think we are the sum of our sexual lifestyle. So let's start minding our own business and not whether someone is a whore and who's not, and what distinguish them.

Geri Halliwell had figured it out a long time ago: 

When I came out my mother's womb I screamed: "Girl Power!"

 On this International Women's Day I cry out for more girl power. Stick together, girls.

JESS DAY, THE ULTIMATE MILLENNIAL

As rain and cold have decided here to stay, it's become apparent that I watch far too much television.

I am a TV yoyo dieter. Summer is my diet period, I like to hoard my favorite shows for winter. So that I can binge myself half to death on a show when the days are getting shorter, watch episode after episode in one night sittings until I'm lying in the coach in the dark wrapped in a blanket at 4 in the morning, red eyes dry and itchy, muttering incoherently to my boyfriend that I really will come to bed after this episode and staring at a flickering screen with a brain incapable of registering any more of shopaholic Carrie Bradshaw, or, a new favorite, quirky Jess Day.

Aside from extreme sleep deprivation, there is another side-effect. I always get the unnatural propensity to identify with the characters in tv-shows. For example, I do think that every aspect of Carrie's relationships is applicable to my own relationships or to those of my friends. Of course, this is what scriptwriters want. To identify with a character is often to like a character. Liking is watching, which means money. Although Carrie always felt relatable, there always remained a distance. She was a woman in her thirties figuring it all out. I was only a teenager/ twenty-something.

However when New Girl was announced, I was instantly intrigued by Zooey Deschanels character. And after three seasons, all I can think while watching the show is: "Oh my god, she's me." "My girlfriends are her." "My friend X is Schmidt." "Z is certainty Nick." Etc. This recognition is what makes New Girl for a lot of twenty-somethings such a good show. This young group of friends is simply us.

Jess embodies the "Millennial struggle" and is the poster child for not having your life fully together. She is a 20-something that moves in with three random guys because she needed a place to live after a breakup. Relatable? Uhm yeah, living on your own isn't affordable any longer these days.

She had a job, until she's laid off. Unemployment and underemployment aren't so uncommon for Millennials, and the characters on New Girl really speak true to that unfortunate reality. A major part of your twenties involves a struggle to find out where you want to go with your career. I think I, miss I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-my-life, can raise my hand here.

She has a dating life but isn't in a serious relationship. Jess' love life ranges from insanely romantic to downright awkward. While she may keep things casual, in the end she fears she's going to die alone and worries about her eggs rotting. I think most of my girlfriends can raise there hands here for feeling the same way. 

Still, PMSing sucks.

Moral of the show. No one in their 20s has it figured out. If you think you do, you're just fooling yourself. Challenge, conflict and struggle, that's the storyline for all of us. I am curious about how Jess' story will proceed. And of course my own. 

Do you watch the show? And do you relate? 

THOUGHTS ON SAYING YES

all via.

We all have those moments when we should have kept our mouths shut ("Thank you sir" "I'm a woman..."), things we would have rather not done ("Yes, I want another gin-tonic."), places we would have rather not been ("So you're a friend of a cousin of the bartender? Thanks for driving me home.") But, where we are right now would honestly not be the same without them.*

As a person with anxiety, I find myself wanting to say "no" all the time. I am terrified of driving, of being lost, of crowds, of new situations in general. This limits me when it comes to the things I enjoy like traveling, taking new opportunities and attending parties. 

For a long time, I said no because I believed my mental state (Zen? Relaxed? Neutral?) was a lot more important than a few unflattering photos of me holding a koala bear or a road trip with my best friend on the other side of the world.

But, I soon realized that plenty of people were going on these trips and parties and random outings and surviving. Moreover were they creating memories that I would never be a part of simply because I was too anxious. 

We often are the ones who block ourselves from making our present moments the best they can be and for pursuing wholeheartedly. That's when I decided to not only prevent my anxiety from getting the best of me, but to consciously shift my mindset. By approaching life as if the answer was already yes, I was giving myself step by step permission to find more and more joy.

Life has only opened up and become so much wider, sweeter and better by saying yes more often. This year I have made memories and, I have survived them.

So.

Say yes to weekend adventures and say yes to that extra kilometer and say yes to appreciating the beauty in your everyday life. Say yes to yoga class this weekend and the surfing lessons next month and living abroad next year. Say yes to jumping into situations head first and say yes to living life to the fullest every single day.

Say yes to change and growth and challenges and lessons learned. Say yes to crazy things that come up that are unexpected and say yes to loving deep and passionate. Say yes to moments and situations that create resistance and say yes to things that turn out a little different than you planned at first. 

Be the heroine of your life and I promise you will survive. I did.

-----------------------

* The friend from the cousin of the bartender became a good friend, I met awesome people with a little help from gin-tonic and I always have a funny anecdote to tell.