EXPERIENCE

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Me and my friend after lunch at le pain quotidien:

Me: I'm still on the hunt for the perfect blazer to wear at my friend's wedding, maybe we can check some shops before class starts?

Friend: Sounds good.

In the first store:

Me: *Sigh*. Nothing seems appealing to me. It feels like my attitude towards shopping and new clothes has changed.

Silence.

Friend: Why don't we spend our afternoon at the bookstore and make wish lists for our future libraries instead?

Me: Sounds fantastic.

The happy end.

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Sometimes I wonder if my current attitude towards shopping and clothes stems from the fact that the whole online window-shopping thing and lust for beautiful clothes has been replaced by hours of daydreaming about my West Coast road trip and the quest for Beauty and the Beast's library.

I used to spend hours reading blogs and magazines searching for inspiration for creating my perfect world where I would frolick around in perfect outfits. But since the desire to create this so called perfect wardrobe has gone, I feel refreshed. The hassle of getting something new and looking it over and trying it on seems too much lately. Now I would rather spend my days in the sun, doing pilates or reading a book.

My closet is still far from complete, and it has never been emptier after my spring cleaning, yet I've never been happier with the things I do have. It just seems like I am bored by the constant influx of new stuff, finally. 

Is it because blogs, and the internet in general, used to be my way to sate my boredom? Maybe it was my way to live vicariously through others? Either way, I think it's time to claim my own life and go live it. Starting with planning my big trip to California in August, starting today with a good workout and healthy meals. Because if there's one thing I have learned: 

Experience > material objects. 

HAPPY COUPLE SECRETS

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After reading your comments on my previous post I had the feeling that some of you had misinterpreted me. And I plead guilty for the lack of clarity. Haziness is probably my middle name (between bookworm and day-dreamer). So let me explain myself for a bit. 

I was not playing advocate for (destructive and endless) fights in a relationship but I am pro attraction and passion between two persons. Preferable in massive quantities. The attraction and passion between movie characters, like Noah and Allie of The Notebook make me drool. And I still believe it is possible in real life too.

Unfortunately I noticed in the last couple of months that a lot of people out there settle for less.

Something like: "You're my friend, I'm lonely and on paper we could work. So let's do this."

It sounds so wrong to me.

Yet it seems some others have given up on passionate love. Boo to that.

Of course, I know that there are more important things than being constantly head over heals in love with each other. But there is a thin line between being lovers and being lonely friends together/ acting like brother and sister.

Then again, where there is passion. There are fights. 

Having the same values: fine (Secret number 1♥). But we can not agree on everything. 

But the ratio between positive and negative interactions is high:

Apparently is 5:1 ideal.

(For the not so alert reader: we are beyond the point where I start trying to give this post a somehow useful twist.)

If you are already in a relationship, you obviously cannot influence your own or your partner's personality to make you more compatible. (Please do not even try.) But you do have the power to influence the other four factors. 

You can consciously make an effort to...

2♥ fight from time to time but avoid the four toxic behaviors:

     Criticism

     Contempt

     Stonewalling

     Defensiveness

A total lack of fighting tends to be a sign of indifference or that one or both partners are censoring their opinions/ feelings. (And here I am again, no passion).

3♥ maximise positive interactions

4♥ Not shy away from commitment

Happy couple make plans for the future, have lots of rituals, view their partner in the same category as their closest family members etc.

5♥ Emphasize the good characteristics of your partner

People in a happy relationship tend to view their partner's actions from an optimistic perspective:

- Negative actions are attributed to situational factors: "He's late, the traffic must have been horrible."

- Positive actions are attributed to the partner's character: "She cooked my favorite dinner, she is such an amazing girlfriend."

Tadaa! That makes 5 "happy couple" secrets. And another incoherent rant about passion and attraction in a relationship. Good luck.